I recently heard someone say “you don’t have to go to church to be spiritual.” True, God is certainly sufficient to care for our needs and we can still get to heaven if we don't go to church; however, it isn’t easy to keep your eyes on God without having a church home – far from it. I know from experience.
Church was a regular part of life when I was growing up but my family strayed away after my Granddaddy passed away. I still went with my Grandma for awhile but by middle school I pretty much didn’t attend except for special occasions and this continued for most of my adult life. God was not a priority and I aimed to take care of myself. That doesn’t mean I didn’t believe. I have always believed in Him without a doubt and prayed for others but I didn’t feel my life was worthy of His grace. I experienced a lot of pain and trials in my life - the death of the love of my life and my baby girl’s Daddy, an abusive relationship, other hurtful relationships, financial struggles, loneliness and one disappointment or hardship after another. I tried to make life right and find real happiness to spread over my children and my life but no matter what choice I made I just couldn’t get things right. After my divorce I found myself close to my mid 30’s still waiting for life to happen for me. I have two beautiful children that I love with all my heart; however, my life had no substance other than them. For 17 years my life had pretty much been going through the motions…being away from home 12+ hours a day commuting to D.C. to earn enough to support us payday to payday, raising my babies alone, settling for relationships to try to create a whole family and ending up feeling more alone that when I was single. Not only that but I was hurting that I wasn’t able to give my children all the things kids should have. Money was tight which meant no vacations or nights out and with the commute my time was limited and I was always tired so most days quality time wasn’t much more than the daily routine of eating dinner, doing homework, baths, bed and importantly we had a broken family and as hard as I tried to be both Mom and Dad I knew I wasn’t providing all they needed. My saving grace was my loving and supportive parents to help fill the gap. Once I found myself single again I reflected on my life and was determined to turn it around. I was lost. I had no direction and was always hitting dead ends. My thoughts took me back to my childhood and my Grandparents. They were hard working, God fearing, Bible believing people that lived humbly and I always felt a sense of security, comfort, joy and peace with them. I suddenly grasped it wasn’t just because they were my Grandparents who loved me. It was because they had a relationship with our Heavenly Father that gave them strength and comfort to get them through anything and that carried over into their love and caring for their family. Their love of God instilled so many values in me that I had set by the wayside and they had finally resurfaced! A light came on and I knew without a doubt what was missing in my life and I was determined to keep God in front of me instead of on a shelf only to take down when I needed Him. I dusted off my Bible and set out to seek Him. It was hard and I wasn’t getting very far alone but God’s timing is always right on time and my dear friends had started attending a nearby church and I decided to join them.
